Body Confidence

This is a bit of a tricky post to write, but I think it’s something that will do me good in the long run to put out there. I’ve always mentioned before how the internet is not always the best place to be if you ever have any body issues, insecurities or hang ups. Well, me right now – I have a tonne of them.  But rather than just letting myself die a little inside every time I see a photo of myself at the moment (I just saw one and it really made this thing hit home) I thought I’d try and do something a little less negative and put it all into words and then hopefully action…

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Over the last few months I am very conscious that I have put on some weight. In the greater scheme of things, it’s not a vast amount of weight. But I often feel worse because I’m pretty short, so a little weight seems to show on me more obviously than the same amount would perhaps on someone taller. At 5ft3 I am currently about 15lbs above my ideal weight. The biggest thing that bugs me about this is that last year I was doing really well – sure, I had the motivation of a wedding and all the photos that come with it – but I had lost weight without feeling like I was starving myself or working out all hours. I was just leading a healthier life and all over it felt better – from clothes fitting, to wearing whatever I wanted and having more energy.

However, post wedding it all went to pot. After the business of organising a wedding we just wanted to relax for a bit. So we did. A tad too much. I’m talking zero exercise and take-aways multiple times per week. All in all, a bad way to be living for both bank balance and waistline. Now that Summer has come around it has really hit me how unhappy I’m feeling about myself at the moment – I’m about to head off on an amazing trip tomorrow and all I could think about in the run up is trying to find Summer appropriate clothes that also hide the bits of me that I don’t want on show.

The one thing I should add here is that when I talk about my body and weight at the moment it’s very much a ‘what feels right for me’ approach. Not saying one size/shape is better or worse than others. I truly believe everyone has their own happy shape/weight and for each and every person that’s different. For me, I’m those few lbs of fat & muscle away from the balance that makes me feel good and lets me think about far more important things to me in life than wether my jeans fit me right or not.

But in all honesty, I hate feeling this way. I know deep down I should be happy and grateful for having a body that works and whilst a little wobblier than I want it to be, I’m largely healthy. But on top of this, I am also a big believer in if something makes you unhappy for whatever reason, then that’s a totally valid feeling too.

My biggest issue at the moment is trying to connect two logical things: 1. I am not happy with my body right now and 2. I need to workout more and make healthy eating choices. Currently 1. and 2. are overruled by 3. laziness which means 1. is winning and 2. is being skipped. This does not make a happy beauty junkie and unfortunately no amount of contouring can help with a double chin.

I need to stop making crappy excuses and put my health and happiness a little further up the priority list. No more ‘oh, well I can’t go for a run now I need to work’ or ‘I can’t go swimming as I don’t want to have to wash my hair again today’… the excuses I can come up with are so bad, it’s almost impressive. The stupid thing is, it’s only me I’m letting down my making these excuses in the long run.

Exercise is one thing, but my biggest problem has to be food. I love it far too much and when eating out I find it harder to say no to ordering something I really want over something that’s a healthier option. I try to go in with the mind frame of ‘what would a healthy person order’ – I succeeded to a point this week, ordering chicken salads instead of pasta or a burrito… but there’s still progress to me made. And I will, I just need to focus on it and combine with some more regular/decent exercise.

I’m thinking that once I’ve finishing typing out my thoughts here I’m going to take myself off for a quick swim at the local pool. It’s just around the corner so couldn’t be more convenient… yet I still make those excuses! I’ve also been trying to get back into going to Barry’s Bootcamp again – but it’s so popular now that booking classes is actually getting really tricky as they’re almost all full or waitlisted! I’m also thinking of picking up power plate classes again as found they were great for getting me in shape – but at the end of the day I just need to keep getting my trainers on and going for a run! I was a member of Class Pass for a while too, which was great in terms of convenience but I wasted a lot of the trial membership by making excuses again and not booking in for classes when I should have been doing more.

So I guess this post is just a little share of how I’m feeling on the body confidence front. As I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like this and maybe needs that bit of a kick up the bum to get moving and actually start making serious changes rather than half arsed ones. Here’s to making some positive changes – more salads and sweating for me and hopefully the result will be a happier, healthier me!

 

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17 Comments

  1. Hannah
    June 6, 2015 / 11:01 am

    Well said and really admire your honesty. I totally relate to this right now and your post was just what I needed to realise that I’m not alone in feeling like this and I can totally do something about it! You’re gorgeous – hope you know that – but you’re totally right in that it’s all about how we feel inside! Thanks for the inspiration and here’s to kicking our uncomfortable wobbly bits into touch! 🙂 xx

  2. June 6, 2015 / 11:10 am

    You most definitely aren’t alone! Most of this is very familiar indeed! Motivation is so so tough. I could spend ages at the gym, or looking at other girls progress pictures, and then still eat a burger and fries that day just because I can’t stand depriving myself (and laziness plays a part). It’s about finding a balance between the two, not depriving yourself of being lazy sometimes, but making more sensible decisions at the same time. easier said than done, though, isn’t it? x

  3. Anonymous
    June 6, 2015 / 11:37 am

    I felt like this a few months ago. I’d just moved in with my boyfriend and we spent a few months eating takeaways and enjoying chocolate after dinner. Then suddenly realised I had 3 weddings to go to and didn’t feel my best. We decided to be healthy together in the week (esp cutting down on carbs), and have a few treats at the weekend. Didn’t shift a lot (should’ve started running!) but enough to feel better. And it helped to do together as I felt guilty every time I reached for a biscuit!

  4. June 6, 2015 / 11:38 am

    I felt like this a few months ago. I’d just moved in with my boyfriend and we spent a few months eating takeaways and enjoying chocolate after dinner. Then suddenly realised I had 3 weddings to go to and didn’t feel my best. We decided to be healthy together in the week (cutting down on carbs), and have a few treats at the weekend. Didn’t shift a lot but enough to feel better. And it helps to do together as I felt guilty every time I reached for a biscuit!

  5. June 6, 2015 / 11:40 am

    I feel that everyone, even those with what society considers as ‘the perfect body’ gets insecure at times. I know exactly what you mean by letting loose after eating healthy for so long and not getting back on track when you are supposed to. That is completely normal! I was so keen on staying healthy and working out 4 times a week that I did it for 4-5 months but when exam time came I just did not have the time for that. Now my exams have ended but I just don’t feel motivated whatsoever to get back on track with my fitness game. I think we just have to take things one step at a time and know that everybody gets the ‘I don’t like my body’ feeling once in a while 🙂 xx

    Jacqueline | Sail Away to Neverland ♡

  6. June 6, 2015 / 12:07 pm

    Jen, you’re not alone. I think we all have the same body confidence thoughts. I’m wobblier than I would like to be and I know my biggest problem is snacking! But I find if I tell myself I can’t have something then all i do is crave it more and more.
    I do think summer is a slightly easier time to be healthier, I know it is for me. I’m not craving the warming filling meals I do in the winter.
    Don’t get disheartened just know that there’s lots of ladies out there doing the same thing!

  7. June 6, 2015 / 1:55 pm

    You are right, everyone has their “happy weight”. My biggest weakness is when I come home from work and I the last thing on my mind is portion control! x

    franklyflawless.com

  8. June 6, 2015 / 2:33 pm

    You and I are so similar. It took me ages to get past the knowing I needed to do it to feel better but being far too lazy to actually put it into action. Then once I did, I realised that every day I felt a bit more comfortable in myself as I knew I was working towards something. Take some time to find a form of exercise you really enjoy and build 20 mins into each day, and I’m sure you’ll be feeling much more comfortable in no time.
    Great post and you know where I am for a (supportive) kick up the bum if you want one xx

  9. Christine
    June 6, 2015 / 5:18 pm

    Jen! Have you heard of Tone It Up?? You Tube it…. It’s two fab Cali girls who are experts in exercise and nutrition. They post videos that you can do at home if you can’t get out. They have a meal plan etc etc. I do their videos when Hank is napping 🙂 Anyway, they are so pretty and fit that just seeing them makes me want to sweat harder! With that said, you are totally fab and gorgeous!!! Can’t wait to see you State side!

  10. June 6, 2015 / 6:31 pm

    I think we can all relate to this post in some way! I was feeling very similar recently and am now 5 days into going sugar-free. It has been hard and I don’t know how long I will keep it up for but it has shown me that I can do it! Good luck with your fitness push!xxx

  11. Jane
    June 6, 2015 / 7:09 pm

    My boyfriend gained some weight and I tried pretty much every strategy to help or motivate him. It was interesting for me to read your post. I started to put the emphasize on getting more fit for both of us, so that he doesn’t feel too bad of being more than twice my weight (though he probably still does). I agree that the size per se doesn’t matter, more important is that you feel great – fit and with a lot of energy. For me it is difficult when I need to carry few more kilos than I am used to. I am thin now and with aging (and getting wiser) don’t care that much how my body looks, but am more concerned about health. So I am going back to gym to start exercise regularly again because it makes a huge difference in a way I feel and in my mental state. Please don’t blame yourself, everyone gains some weight now and then, it is normal. Getting as healthy and fit as you can only be may be a better (and less stressful) goal, including taking care of what you eat.

  12. Emma
    June 6, 2015 / 11:51 pm

    I can’t even tell you how much im in the exact position. I think you look lovely by the way! I got married last september and 5 weeks before my dress didn’t fit so I manged to lose 8lbs just by healthy eating and not drinking alcohol. On honeymoon I put most of this back on and ever since put about another 7lbs on. I feel so uncomfortable but have 0 motivation. My husbands the exact same though takeaways no exercise and alcohol! Maybe it’s just a natural thing after a wedding after so much stress and dieting. Hope you feel back to yourself soon xx
    Glossy Boutique

  13. Heidi
    June 7, 2015 / 8:22 am

    I can really relate to this – you are not alone! During 2014 I lost 8 kg of babyweight, due to eating less carbs and no sugar, and exercising 2-3 times per week. I felt great around Christmas; I could fit into all my pre-pregnancy clothes, had much more energy/selfesteem, and was proud of my achievement. In february this year I had a really bad flu, and was ill for almost a month. Afterwards I was very weak and decided to eat whatever I craved. March, April and May have been insanely busy at work, with a lot of travelling, and very little time to exercise or even think about healthy eating. And here I am, I have put 6 kg back on 🙁
    I know what I have to do, and I will get back into the right habits. But at this point I am so unhappy with myself and even a little bit disappointed that I let things slip.

  14. June 7, 2015 / 1:19 pm

    I love how honest this is Jen. I definitely have body hang ups as I’m sure most people do so can totally relate to that feeling you have inside about it all. The important thing is though that you’re wanting to make a change to make yourself happier about it, go you! Here’s to positive changes!! <3 xx

  15. June 7, 2015 / 5:53 pm

    Good for you for being so honest and help writing out your thoughts helps you to process them a bit. I think it’s really important to schedule exercise into your day and treat it like a meeting. You wouldn’t cancel a work meeting so don’t cancel your exercise! Equally it needs to be something you actually enjoy doing. I hate using the machines at the gym so I don’t put myself through it. I’ve joined my local roller derby team which I love (so it’s like exercise in disguise!) and I like doing classes so I stick to those x

  16. June 16, 2015 / 7:36 pm

    I’m so with you on the excuses Jen, I honestly bore myself. I find it hard to get gym motivated so am thinking of doing the Bodycoach programme after becoming obsessed with his instagram (initially because he’s so cute I must admit!). People seem to get results fast & the amount of food you can eat on it is insane… this appeals to me as I love food too much to starve myself!

    Sometimes I think we have to reach this point to do something about it… in any area of life we’re unhappy with.

    Nic x

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